I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
