I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize