you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I enjoy the company of your penis
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
