Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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