i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
