i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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