Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
