Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
