wrigley field is MILF paradise
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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