I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
