dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
