I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
