Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
