Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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