i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
