i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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