3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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