Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize