I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
