apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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