I can tuck mytits in my pants
i think i have herpe
just one?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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