I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
