Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
