This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
