there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
