I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
