I got chris browned last night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
