I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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