Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize