butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
