anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
