im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
