So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
