at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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