I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
