She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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