My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
