Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
