im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
