I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
