Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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