I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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