well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
