Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
