Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
