Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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