do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
