dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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