I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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