My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize