Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
