I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
