I think my vagina is haunted
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
