i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
