Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Fuck appropriateness.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize