whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
