May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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