you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize