Clothes are such an inconvenience.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize