Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
