Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
