In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
